Quote:
Originally Posted by Leah123
I lived a relatively balanced, healthy life after that. I worked, was self-reliant, married well, enjoyed pleasures like travel and had a fairly balanced life; not perfect but comfortable.
Once I had a child, I began to lose balance: old subroutines from my parents were activated and I struggled to be the mother I wanted, feared to fail, but increasingly had the sense I was becoming like my own mother.
I lost my sense of balance
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I also was from an abusive home. I've always felt really guilty of the fact that when Ts would ask me when I started experiencing problems, I would always say when I became a mother.
I think there is something about becoming a parent that brings up your past. Its like I was either trying to parent in a way to be "opposite of my FOO" or to be like the perfect parent I dreamed of having when I was little... either way I entered therapy because of an event that happened with me that put me in an immediate flashback to my mom... and i thought " s h i t... I've turned into my mother" and I called the next day to make an appt.
Thank you for sharing. I love my boys and I love being a mom but have always felt guilty that the best thing in my life is the thing that caused so much problems for me. even though I know its not being a mom that is the problem but that its the programs running in the background and the malware.