i have touched my therapist once. the very first time i met him he offered me his hand to shake. i took it... and shook it... and he didn't do anything really. didn't grasp me back, or shake me back. i thought it was a bit odd at the time... maybe he was trying to assess how nervous i was (by seeing how sweaty my palms were - i had just gone to the bathroom and washed and well dried my hands ha!)... maybe it was just a polite social gesture...

i think there was something strangely reassuring in that, however. though i did find it rather odd... i looked at him a little strangely... but what i did take from that is that he wasn't going to be playing power games (who is grasping / shaking the hardest? who gets their hand on top?) and... i guess i thought about the sexual connotations too (blush)...

and that brings me to a point: it is very controversial... i found something on the internet about boundary 'crossings' versus boundary 'violations'. you can probably find it through google if you are interested. it was fairly novel / slightly revolutionary, however.

common wisdom (i think it is fair to say that) is that some clients... you have to be really very careful about boundaries. in particular... people who have (or may have) a history of sexual abuse. why? because sometimes a gesture that might be meant as friendly (such as a handshake or a hug) can trigger someone into having / feeling some kind of sexual response / stimulation. so the client might think that they want a friendly (motherly for example) hug... but if that happens... they might feel a sexual response. and then... confusion. a lot of confusion. that can make therapy difficult / too intense.

so sometimes therapists are very careful about not touching etc. to try and help therapy stay on course and to try not to escalate (or initiate) sexual / transference stuff.

am i making any sense?

the article on boundary crossings vs violations challenged this accepted wisdom and basically talked about how boundary crossings (such things as hugs etc) can actually be legitimately used to help therapy along...

i think your feelings are fairly normal (in the sense that i've certainly heard other people feel similarly)

with respect to me... i'm glad we seem to have this 'no touch' thing happening... really very... because much as part of me would love a hug or something... i think that part of me would feel really very confused if that did happen... so really... i'm really very glad that there is physical space / distance. i guess because of my history... that is really very important to me. though... i'm sure i'll push that at some point ;-)