Thank you all for your thoughts and advice. I am doing better, but decided to do something totally stupid today. I looked at his new girlfriends profile, she's almost 10 years younger than me and a model. Yay for me right!?

I know that I need to move on. It's his total abandonment and harshness that has left me not knowing what to do with myself. He is a jerk, I know this. I am not blaming him being BP on all of his actions, I am just trying to make sense of everything. Maybe I won't be able to....I want to LET GO! I feel used for when he was down and depressed and now he is manic and happy and threw me away. I am always told what a good catch i am and I usually believe it. Right now I am trying to be positive and tell myself that I can deal with this in a healthy manner. Today is just a rough day...

I am worried about him, because I think that his moods move quickly. I am worried that he is going to get super depressed and he has talked about thinking about suicide as not even a choice. It just is there sometimes. I know that I can't be there for him right now, why do I want to ? I just do. Love right?

When you tell someone that you love them no matter what and that you will be there for him, to have them leave so quickly? Was he even mine to begin with? Why did I choose to love this man? I had no choice.

I choose to be happy again...it just might take awhile.

I know that I deserve better, we all do!

much love everyone