Thanks so much for the responses. You are right, it is up to my other half to tell her no, which he has done, but she is persistent! In terms of her being scared it tends to be when she is on her way down, she doesn't sleep well and this adds to her anxiety but there is nothing that she is scared of in particular, she just worries about everything and anything!

When she is nasty it's easier to feel able to dish out the tough love, but when she is really at her lowest ebb it's difficult for her children to bear. I can completely understand but over this last 12 months the impact of her illness seems to be worsening for all those involved, herself included. My other half and his sister have considered cutting her off for a time, this really is the last thing they want to do but they feel that they have tried everything to help her in all aspects of her life but she blames them for her stays in hospital. Their tanks are empty, they just don't have the emotional or physical energy to give.

It's a mess to be honest and I guess as this is not my mother I'm that bit removed from the whole thing so by trying to find a solution for her I'm hoping it will ease my other half and his sisters burden. If I'm completely honest I have struggled in my relationship with her too, for me it's always been difficult to work out whats personality and what's illness, what comments do you forgive, which do you forget? I just can't let go of some of the things she has said and as time has gone on I like her less and less. The thought of her coming to visit stresses me out so much. So the thought of her ever moving in is terrifying.

Sorry massive splurdge! I suspect there isn't a solution but good to get this stuff off my chest!