I'm glad you were able to ask your mom such questions, but sad that you weren't able to work through her responses yet. I'm sorry for your unhappy life. (((hugs)))

Can you give your mother a little more of a benefit of the doubt that she was doing the best she could with what was happening then? No, it doesn't release her from doing what would have been best for you, too. I also wouldn't hold it too much against her for going on about her hard life, as you did ask for an explanation. Maybe she needed also to share all that with you.

I'm sorry her words made you so angry. That isn't good for you, and I hope you can work through these harmful feelings. I do understand somewhat I think, about what's caused the anger, but I don't know the whole story. (And that's ok, I don't need to hear specifics )

You can't change the past. None of us can. You can change the present. Anger should be dispensed with as soon as possible, so it doesn't also ruin your future.

TC.