I have a very good alliance with my T. But it is so painful in some ways. I feel a care and concern from her that I don't get anywhere else, and I have rejected it so many times from people (and from her) when they have tried to give it to me. And so whenever she says she is there for me, when she reassures me that she won't hurt me, and when she proves again and again that she is being honest and transparent, it hurts. It stands in contrast to all that I have experienced before, and shows me painfully what I have missed out on.

Previously, in order to avoid this, I would just pretend she wasn't really caring or I would get angry at her for showing that she cared. I avoided any signs of her commitment to me because it kept me distant from her. But now that I can't do that anymore, it just makes me hurt.

Has anyone else been where I'm at? I've talked to her a little tiny bit about it, and she says that it's a good thing. But it doesn't feel like a good thing! Am I missing something?