Hey everyone.

I'm new here, but I've read a number of the threads and think this could be a good place for me to share and get some input.

Some background: I am in my twenties and have had a history of depression since age four. At twelve, I turned a corner and began engaging in self-destructive behaviour. It was at this time that I was first prescribed antidepressants, which over a period of six years would vary. Some of the medications I was prescribed were Prozac, Wellbutrin, Celexa, Seroquel, and finally Lithium, which I took for the longest period of time compared to other meds. To sum things up, I was diagnosed with BDP at fourteen or fifteen, was hospitalized once, had difficulties with alcohol abuse, had weekly CBT... I have been told that I have ODD and SAD as well. I've had a difficult family life, was a victim of abuse and have a history of mental illness and substance abuse in my family.

When I was about eighteen, I felt good and decided to take myself of Lithium. It was around this time that I stopped going to weekly CBT as the program I was in was for minors only. I have coped well for the last few years, but the last couple of months have been extremely difficult. I keep thinking that I can get through this myself but I am beginning to realize that perhaps I can't pull myself out of this alone and may need to visit my GP for a referral.

I realize that this has been more or less a rant up until now, but I'm wondering... have any of you had an extended "good spell" before? I have not read about anyone with BPD who has experienced, like me, a few years of actually being happy and symptom-free without medication or therapy, only for it to return.

This has really taken me by surprise and feels rather crushing, especially because I have been so good for so long. For the several years, I have a healthy relationship and am employed full-time in a professional job that I like. Lately, I have had paranoid thoughts and confused feelings (go away / don't leave me) about my relationship, I have had incredible difficulty getting out of bed, my personal hygiene has deteriorated, I have been binge drinking, I have had thoughts of self-harm... All of this seemingly out of nowhere. I cannot think of anything that has triggered this behaviour to recur.

Thanks to all for sharing and for your support.