Hi,
Thanks a lot for your mature reflection. Please, allow me not commenting on your attitude towards your friend but the part you talked about yourself, dating, etc. hope you do not mind.

It is true that just "external" changes do not help much if they are not paired with more profound modifications. Mostly considering we are talking here from the point of view of a woman who needs to make an effort ( perhaps a lot of effort) to be 'likeable"'or "dateable", as fashion dictates. A pretty oppressive situation, unfair and unjust, in my opinion. A sign of the futility of our society, sometimes i think we have not evolved much and that we are much closer to Neardenthals than we think.

As a woman i too have felt that sadness and that fear ( sadness and fear that ultimately entail we may not be able to fullfill the society mandate about being a wife and a mother because we are bad, or too ugly, or fat or whatever, and that we will never be OK, and that, horror of horrors, we will never be married or have kids, ever.) Perhaps it is not your case but, to me, that sadness comes partially from our society, from the oppression we suffer as women. To me, it should be an invitation to emancipation more than to prozac. And i am saying this acknowledging that wanting to have a husband and children is perfectly fine and a human thing to do. However, there are more things to want in this world, hope you can experience some of them.

BUT anyway, having said all that above, also, in my experience, sometimes, activities for "external changes" such as exercising more and eating better, are good intrinsically and could bring additional benefits FOR YOU.

My depression gets better when i eat better, get better sleep time, and exercise more, mostly when i do it for myself consciouslly. I do not know how it works for you, but for me, the possibility of improving dating never worked as a carrot, on the contrary, eventually worked as a deppressor. Efforts that worked were those towards improving myself, my selfesteem, for the sake to be better or engagements with things i believed in or made me happier ( such as volunteering).
But, again, this is just me.
Ok, thank you again for your insightful post and good luck with everything