{{{{{ ~*JAX*~ }}}}}}
{{{{{ ~*FAY* }}}}}}
{{{{{ ~*EVA*~ }}}}}
{{{{{~* SPLIT*~ }}}}}
{{{{{ ~*JAN*~ }}}}}}
{{{{{ ~* RADAR *~}}}}}
{{{{{~* CAJUN*~}}}}}
{{{{{ ~*JINNY*~ }}}}}}
{{{{{ ~*PMers WHO SHALL REMAIN ANONYMOUS LOL*~ }}}}}}}}

Things have been looking up. I've made some changes in my life that are helping to reduce some of the stress and depression I have been feeling. Money has "materialized" to make sure that the important bills are paid and that I have food in the kitchen. Aside from stressing about money, I just hadn't been able to fully accept my MS diagnosis. I was trying to stay up and positive all the time, thinking that was what was best for me. But I needed to grieve, I needed to feel the anger. All the fear about money finally broke me down and I was able to feel what I needed to feel. The money situation hasn't changed, but I've been taken care of through the worst of the fear, keeping the internet on, getting gas money, etc. So I'm trying to remember to stay in the moment, and for right now, I have everything I need.

I see my neurologist Wednesday to talk about the medication possibly causing part of the depression, but I know a lot of it has been my attitude. So....for right now, I'm getting my humor back a little, getting my happiness back a little, and am trying to stay grateful. What I won't do is have fake happiness anymore. When I'm down I'm gonna come out with it, instead of stuffing all these emotions again and having it come to a head. I need to remember to ask for help. Faking happiness led me to getting closer to drinking and I didn't want to do that....so it would have been the other extreme had I not snapped out of it and been honest with how I've been feeling.

Thank you everyone who posted and PM'd me......I would be so lost without this community. I love you as though I see you for coffee every week!!!!

So.....if I revert back to "everything's fine and roses and bunnies" all the time again....and you guys never here me whine and moan, call me out on it k? LOL. The truth about how I'm feeling now is cheerful, but there's still a lot of underying anger about my life. Need to get with sponsor and soon, to do a serious inventory.

Still crossing my fingers about the online job here too.

So.....I'll end with a funny story. I went to a meeting last night and there were all kinds of sirens we could hear in the meeting. That happens a lot. Anyway, we all walk out of the meeting and there's cop cars in the parking lot. Sooo funny to see all the alcoholics see the flashing lights and freeze in our tracks....I guess old fears die hard.....LOL. You could hear people saying "I wonder if they'll let us leave......" HAHA!!!!!!!

Love you guys!!!!

~Rayna