I often find myself flip-flopping between wanting to have sex or not. I feel this comes from a deep part of myself that often gets scared during the foreplay/lead up before intercourse; this also leads me to rush past these parts of a sexual experience to avoid the anxiety or disappointment of my partner when I change my mind at the last second. So far the best therapy has been a man who I can talk to and understands that some times I might just stop, even in the middle of intercourse, and ask if we could please cuddle. He expects nothing more from me than what he is given every second during our bedroom time and never makes me feel pushed. This being said, I still feel like a pile of **** when I stop him and when it was any of my other boyfriends I would prefer to cry through it quietly than stop.
I know this is wrong, I knew it then, and the fact that you didn't let this happen to you makes me feel better(funny however true). Thank you for sharing and please keep holding your wishes as the first priority like you did here. I am really glad to hear that he was understandable and you shouldn't feel bad for expressing how you felt.