Quote:
Originally Posted by growlithing
Actually no she isn't. She is very sex positive, certainly not at all conservative, and really supports people talking about sex.
The problem isn't that I'm a woman who makes sex jokes and watches porn. The problem is that I think about sex all the time, sexualize basically everything, and run away from anything that could be remotely sexual all at the same time. Talking about sex all the time and then never pursuing a sexual relationship at any level. Masturbating and then hating my body not because I think masturbation is wrong or I have any moral issues with it, but for some other reason entirely that at the time she didn't know was caused by sexual abuse. Not taking care of myself physically because if something isn't sexual, it doesn't really seem to have a purpose to me. Being unable to touch anyone besides my T because I see all touch as sexual and it makes me scared/upset. Being super easily aroused and not wanting to be. There is more to this than me just being a woman who masturbates occasionally.
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I actually relate a lot to this…I think about sex constantly but I've never had it…I've barely done anything completely willingly. My mind seems to think of everything sexually. I honestly have no idea what (if anything) happened to me as a kid and I really don't want to know at this point.
The only thing that really "helped" and I use the term in the loosest sense, was taking an anti-depressant that just about killed my libido. Now I still think about sex all the time, but I rarely get aroused nor do I feel the need to masturbate. I can be touched without it being sexual…my friends (who are all fairly new) have been doing a kind of "hug therapy" with me and I've just barely began to feel anything more than nothing when I hug someone. But it isn't sexual. Although I sort of feel like I tend to throw myself sexually at friends while not even intending it.