I think the anger is one of the worst things about this struggle. It is when i am angry that I cause the most hurt and feel the guiltiest. I've screamed at my husband, thrown things at him, even hit him a few times in the past year. The last time I hit him he threatened to leave me. He's right, though - I'm committing domestic violence, even though I can't hurt him very badly due to my size. The intent to hurt him is there, and that's wrong. It is very hard for me to control my anger, especially when in an irritable state, as part of depression or hypo/mania. The farther I am into an episode the worse my impulse control is. But I do try to take deep breaths when I get angry, before I say something I can't take back or do something I will regret. It's extremely difficult and I would say I only manage to avert disaster 25% of the time but still that's better than zero.

I don't know about the negatives vs. positives rule. it doesn't sound like something i'd put stock in :-p

Do try to go to therapy. A therapist can help you figure out the best ways for you to control your anger. The best for me is to take a deep breath, then try to remove myself from the situation (not always possible for my husband is an agitator at times). When I am calm I can go back and talk about it. Good luck!