Hi,

I've posted on here before about my history with my wife. I've always felt she was not sexually interested in me, and I've used porn as a sexual outlet for years and have lied about it. She found out about all this about 2 years ago. I've taken a hard look at my behavior and have re-committed to her, and have appolgised often.

We've had some steps forward and some back. She's devastated by what I did and my history of lying to her. She harbors fears that I will leave her, despite the fact I've been very devoted to her needs for years, and am more committed in recent years. In some ways we are closer than ever.

Whenever we fight or go through a difficult stretch, I start to want to go back to looking at porn. I don't know why it shows up at this time. I want rid of this behavior because it hurts my wife and our marriage. I think we rid ourselves of behaviors once we know why we do them.

I don't know why this comes back when she and I are distant, so I don't know how to change it.