Im sorry your struggling.

I can relate to everything you said

the daily crying..the one day I love you the next f you i dont need you.

Im currently trying to dig myself out of a downward spiral that started in 2011 and was triggered by a longtime friend (more like family) that i idolized and that let me down and crushed me. The pain of that situation led me to rush into a relationship with an acquaintance out of a desperate attempt to feel validated and loved by someone.
For the last 2 + years i have been in a ****** relationship... i have stayed because i cant break free from the intense fear of loneliness. the need for some sort of validation. something.

I can be your friend