If you have been traumatized by a male, it is probably a coping mechanism that you have unknowingly developed.

You have a lot of things going on, and you have established different ways of trying to cope too. You have been trying to "escape" and compensate on your own for a very long time now so you will have to take the time to slowly let go of the coping mechanisms, like the alcohol abuse, so you can instead work on slowly resolving your personal injuries instead of choosing to escape in a way that brings an imbalance in your brain.

It is important to have professional help and a good support system to help you with this challenge, you do deserve to finally "heal" and recover your life.

OE