That sounds like such a nightmare. It's really nice of you to try to take care of this situation. I wish I had something useful to suggest, but I don't. She doesn't sound like she wants the kind of help anyone is willing to give or will listen to anyone who tries to tell her that she needs help.

Could you try talking to her doctors/therapists to find out what options exist, assuming she has some? Are there non-profits in your area that deal with with mentally ill or the elderly?

Personally, I don't think her mental illness should excuse her behavior, especially if she is blaming her kids for her problems. My father is mentally ill and I have very limited contact with him at this point. As time goes by, I care less and less why he is acting the way he does- I just don't want to be around it anymore. It's maddening when a parent who was not a good caregiver for you as a child now demands that you provide extraordinary care for them as they grow old.

It must be a relief that you are all on the same page about this situation --- could you imagine how horrifying it would be if she wanted to move in and your husband was okay with it?!