I'm originally from Victoria, BC. I'm currently living in Alberta in a very isolated town. Courtney is pretty small. You may need to travel for support groups. I don't have any options here, the nearest city being over 3 hours away. I push people away too. I've been avoiding replying to a text that was sent to me 2 days ago. A friend that regularly asks me to hang out, even though I cancel or decline. I suppose it's because we're military. I don't really know why she bothers. Anyways, I understand what you are feeling. Since childhood I have kept one friend. I let everyone else go or don't bother to allow people in my life. I am lonely though. I just don't want the commitment of being a friend. Does that make sense?