((((((( jojuli )))))))

My family didn't understand either. It was a confusing and hard time for me. I thought I was going to die and no one would know why to save/help me. To be honest, I don't know how I made it through before the med treatment, then biofeedback.

I remember my first panic. I was 14/15 years old. I was from a home filled with illness and even danger. I remember clearly going to bed and not being able to breathe...my last thought thinking that I was going to die and no one would even know. I felt as though I couldn't breathe, and if you can't breathe, you die. It was a confusing and difficult time for me. I look back, though, after having the therapy I've had I realize that the hyperventilation was causing flashbacks which led straight to complete and immobilizing panic.

Somehow I made it through and the hyperventilation did not return until I was 23/24...well, not that I remember. I was pregnant with my second child and hyperventilated straight for 3 months. I lived on the edge of panic, but didn't have panic attacks that I remember.

I started having full-fledged panic attacks after a specific event. I didn't know what they were. Again, I just felt that I was going to die. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't sit, etc. Even when the panic subsided, I still hyperventilated. That takes us to the time where I sought help as I explained in the previous post.

I'm not on meds now for panic because I no longer have panic. I might have a high enough anxiety that it affects my breathing to where I feel I can't get a handle on it once-twice per year. On those occasions, I will take a pill to help if I need, because, I don't want my brain to get back into "panic mode".

Please continue to work with your doctors and consider seeing a therapist trained specifically in dealing with anxiety disorders. There are many WONDERFUL tools out there to help; biofeedback was my saving grace there. It helped me to end the panic and gave me the tools to prevent it almost completely as well.

I'm so sorry that your family doesn't understand. Seeing a therapist will give you someone just for YOU, and will also help you to explain it to your family when you feel you're ready to do so.

I wish you all the best. This can get better, though sometimes it's minute by minute and feels like one step forward, two steps back sometimes many times in one day.

KD