LMo said: I can understand why patience wears thin but I haven't figured out any way to be FAIR AND make everyone happy. Probably because it can't be done (but I'm still trying!)

Fairness can be understood and accepted, imo, if all are shown the fairness value. While that might not be possible, since maybe a mod gives one person leeway one time and another another time, it is something to think about.

If full communication isn't available, then actions might not be realized as fair, though they may well be.

Using good wording is important also. If someone wishes to tell a group of ppl the same thing but in different messages, it's best to use the same words. Trying to adapt each message to the recipient endangers the final message.

Asking for an understanding by having the recipient repeat back what they heard (read) might also prevent future upheaval and consternation by moderators/admin. "What you think you said is not what I heard?"

It's important also to not fall into the pitfalls of the cognitive distortions. Showing exasperation, using the word "insane", taking things personally... none of those work to better the communication.

Just saying "I" understand isn't enough imo. An example of what I think is being felt or thought would show that I do understand...or don't. And yes, making sure the communication is showing empathy and not sympathy is a biggie too, imo. Sometimes it isn't easy to show empathy without taking a situation personally, but we must. It's also important to not read into what was in the past, what situation you might have had mingled with what is going on today. All things are new and different. Each situation carries it's own merit imo.

And sometimes I just think that no matter what a person says, or how they say it,the other person isn't ready to hear it from "you." If a person is responsible for giving out bad news, no one wants to hear from them - ever? If all they ever receive from someone is a warning or put down... why would they want to listen? A relationship has to be built, imo, before someone can rest upon it to try and work through a situation.

Just my POV.