It's just difficult to face some of the effects that abuse had on me. I had myself convinced that it didn't affect me that badly. I was doing well overall. Yeah, there were some things, like difficulty trusting, but nothing too major.

But the more I finally start facing this stuff rather than running from it, the more I am seeing exactly how much damage it caused. And that is really hard. I tried so hard to not let it bother me, to push it away and rise above it. And yet, I couldn't. It makes me feel like a failure. I should have been able to overcome it, but I wasn't. I failed at that. I won't have a normal life. I won't be able to just leave it behind. I will always have the marks and emotional scars from it.