Well, never heard back from that job interview 2 weeks ago. I'd say at this point it's evident I didn't get the job. The thought that I'll be 'lucky' to be hired for even a minimum wage job when I have a college degree is incredibly frustrating and upsetting.
My out of control children are another source of frustration. I may as well be pissing into tornado winds trying to get them to listen to a single word I say or to not destroy everything they touch. I know a huge part of this is their dad. He travels quite a bit for work and isn't with them on a regular basis, therefore, when he is home, they get away with absolute murder. He contradicts every 'rule' I make and try to enforce. Example: I set a bedtime of 8:30 on week nights & 9:00 on weekends...but when their dad is home, he allows them to stay up as long as they want- regardless of whether it's a school night or whatever. I'm always the "bad guy". Worse still is he constantly belittles and contradicts my rules IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. They have no respect for me whatsoever...and I don't feel like they ever will.
I don't feel like my meds are really helping anymore. I've pretty much given up any hope of ever feeling happy. It seems I'm destined to a meaningless life of misery.