I did put the trigger icon on there! I do not feel bitter nor jealous...and I do not take out my feelings on a 9 year old girl. I was nothing but wonderful to her when she was around. Pains, maybe...heart ache to understand how I can feel more positively about this. I can see that...fears? None here.

I am confused more than anything. I know what I feel is disturbing...I don't even like it. I am more upset and angry with my own feelings. I know they aren't doing anything wrong, but I cannot wrap my head around the dynamics of the relationship and it's making me think crazy thoughts. Especially after hearing him say he wished he had this child with some one he loved. How can I not feel bad for this little girl?

I see you want to be a good person too... so do I. My therapist has nothing for me on this btw.