I think you are not getting how much divorce can affect a child, especially when it sounds like she's basically been abandoned by him and she feels unloved by him. I don't know about the spooning, my husband never did that with our daughters and I come from a terrible home life as a child, so my first thought is perverted.
I hope you can work this out for your bf's sake and his daughters sake. If not, I think I might cut my losses and look for someone without a child. I speak from experience when I say being a step-parent is a thankless job and not fun. Good luck!