Hi MM

I'm glad you posted as I haven't heard from you in a while. Geeze, the holidays are bad enough without having to deal with employment. I was laid off from my last job Dec 17th it was awful. I'm really sorry you're having to deal with all this bs. Have you thought about filing for disability? I worry that if you're seeking a job off your meds it will be very overwhelming. I know that I had a hard time dealing with the rejection. I'm not advocating ssdi but it can be temporary until you get back on your feet. As for passing on genetics to your kids, I don't think there is such a thing as a 100% chance of not passing on something. I don't know any families that don't have cancer, addiction or mental illness. It's just a common occurrence within generations. This is beyond your control, so what is in your control is to provide stability and minimize dysfunction in the family. Too often I think ppl compare their live and family to a sort of Norman Rockwell / tv sitcom facade which is unattainable. Don't be so fast to criticize yourself as a poor parent. The fact that you're here posting this shows how much you care and have thought thru their quality of life! As for having a problem with self control that could be a medication issue or undiagnosed adhd. Try to pause and take a deep breath before you react. Going off your user name I wonder if you have looked into any help available from the VA? I'd imagine you have better self control than the average civilian. If you are not ready to retire, would it make more sense to try to sell your house? I know the market is not great but it's better than foreclosure. I have a friend who just lost their home bc they couldn't come up with the 9 months delinquency. And I guess a last option would be bankruptcy if you have a lot of debt. I do know that student loans are not forgiven except maybe thru disability. I'm thinking you have a background in computers? I think with bipolar a good option is working from home. Then you don't have the drama of coworkers, micromanagement or set hours.
Peace,

Tnt

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