I - and I'm sure so many reading this - wish I could take your pain away with words, but that's impossible. There are a couple things that came to mind when I read about your experience with lack of forgiveness (they may seem a bit radical, so I'm sorry if they offend, I'm only intending to help empower you).
Firstly, some people consider that many of the systems/structures we partake in are failures in and of themselves. Our societies are running on dated models of affluence, forcing us to monetize our energy as a commodity to be used not only for ourselves but also for other people. How do you succeed in this kind of game? What is 'success' anyways?
Secondly, there are entire religions and modes of life centered around the ideal of perfectionism. For some, being 'perfect' brings them closer to God. For others, being 'perfect' is enduring pain and humiliation on the outside while containing - and internalizing - all emotions on the inside. Decide whose definition you want to live up to, and try going from there...