Remember that all behavior has a purpose behind it. If it were not serving some function, there would be no reason for him to continue it. One common reason for toileting problems is that when children feel that there is nothing in their lives that they can control (a common feeling for children of divorce), they emphasize the things they can control. They can control their toileting and whether or not they conform to the parents' standards.

What things does he have control of in his life? What choices does he have? Can he reasonably be given more choices? The first thing to address is to find out the function of the behavior and how else his needs could be met.

The next thing that you need to know is what motivates him? What does he really like? Once you know that, you can set up a reward system and give him something to work towards by doing what you would like him to do. For example, if he likes playing video games, he could earn five minutes of game time for each hour that he is clean. Over a longer period, he could save up points towards being able to purchase a new game.

Some things to remember are to start small. The goal is to increase time that he is clean. You probably won't eliminate the problem all at once, and any gain is to be celebrated, even if it is small. The goal needs to be positive (an increase such as increase in time that he is clean), rather than negative (stopping or decreasing the accidents). It just doesn't work to eliminate a behavior without replacing it with something. Other targets could be using the bathroom or cleaning himself promptly.

Another point to remember is not to think of the program as punishment in any way. You want to encourage good behavior, not to make him pay for bad behavior.

He would probably make the most progress if his mother primarily implements the program, as he might be resistant to anyone he considers an intruder or outsider in his life. However, divorced parents tend to feel bad and try to make up for it by being overly permissive, so it might be hard for her to overcome that.

I am also wondering if he is developmentally disabled (if he is, you can still use these ideas - I use them with my clients, who are developmentally disabled). Who cleans up after him? Does he wear incontinent briefs? How often, where, and when do the accidents occur? What are the current consequences when it happens? Does he do it at school, or just when he is with his family?