I empathize. I've suffered from major depression for 24 years, maybe longer. Because you believe you will live to 100 I know you will be able to ride the wave of this disease. Yes, you may fall off the surfboard on occasion, but you have your life preserver full of tools you've picked along the way to help you float to the surface and get back on the board. You'll continuously pick up new and promising tools along the way so that you will have an endless buffet of options. I've been where you are, the"will I ever have a few moments of peace and happiness before I have to start the struggle again". As you know, it doesn't go away, we just learn new and effective ways to manage the disease. I believe that in spite of all the meds available, all the therapy options, all the books and magazines, it is our responsibility to manage our own disease for we are the ones who know best it's particular nooks and crannies. Keep writing even if you don't send the post. I have learned so much by going back to my old journals. Keep us posted.