</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sabau2 said:
She gets angry from the pain too and takes it out on me or anyone within listening distance to her. I hate how that makes me feel when she is lashing out at me....like it's my fault she is in pain or it's my fault I can't fix it for her. *sigh*

I'm through feeling guilty over this. I have done everything I can to try to help her. When she gets nasty, I end our conversations. I refuse to be her whipping post anymore. I do what I can to help. I suggest things like maybe looking into "pain management". It is on her plate to decide if she wants to look for alternative ways to help herself.

Is this hard for me to do?? Hard for me to turn my back on my child?? You bet it is. Is it something that needs to be done so that she learns to become independent and think outside the box? Again, you bet it is.

It's so hard to find the right balance so that we can care for ourselves while caring for our children, no matter what age they are. I pray you can find the strength to not feel guilty if you step back a bit and let her fend for herself. In the long run, it may be the best thing for the both of you.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Great advice sabau2!!

our mother has been extraordinarily supportive in our life but also has learned the strength and value of setting appropriate boundaries. of course she's our mother and we "rely" on her in certain ways as she's a supportive loving mother............but that doesn't mean she wants to be or is willing to be our doormat when we're incapable of controlling our emotions.

it IS best in the long run if you're able to set boundaries now, get outside helpers, find alternative ways so that neither of you end up with regrets, grudges and hurt feelings over something that needs some separation.