Thanks for your post. I feel that it is honest, and so many posts on this site are all flowery like 'it will get better' and 'you'll find the right meds and be ok'. What they don't tell you is that yes, you can find the right meds and be ok until they stop working. They will always stop working. You will always have to switch antidepressants or increase benzos for them to keep working. Your body adapts to them, your brain chemistry changes, and then one day you wake up and your perfectly 'normal' world and emotions are suddenly gone. What day will this happen? No one knows. It could be tomorrow or a month from now or years from now or in the next few minutes. It is terrifying. It strips you of hope, the ability to plan anything, your self confidence. Will I be ok tomorrow? Will I be manic, and so productive that I can do anything? Will I be so depressed that I can't move? Will I feel so angry that I can't look at another human being? Will I be so panicked that I can't breathe? No one with this 'disorder' knows. Can I join that bookclub, take that job, have that child, plan that dinner? I don't know. Ask me tomorrow. Living like this sucks. It is not flowery, it is not going to be ok ever. Thank you for your honest post, and for listening. I respect your opinion very much.