I've been at this new job for about six months now. I know what my duties and responsibilities are and thought I was doing a pretty good job until recently. I feel like my peers don't take me serious and see me as an incompetent moron.
Example: The other day I went with a group to another shop area do a monthly checkout on one of our vehicles. Since this was my first time to conduct the vehicle checkout, I was going to do all the hands on work so I can get a basic understanding of what to do. I should say this first that I never was a automotive or hand tool kind of guy. Also, I get anxious and cannot focus right when I have a crowd with all eyes on me which happened to be the case in this instance. Anyway, I took a long time removing all the tires to inspect the brake pads, turning screws the wrong way, etc. and was pretty much laughed at and made of show of the whole time. Remarks such as "Hey come and look at this guy!", "How did you get put in this job?" were being thrown left and right. The worst was being called a dumbass for not holding the torque wrench the right way. All trying to do this while being laughed at. I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. My greatest fear and nightmare had come true right there and then.
By the end of all this I was embarrassed, humiliated, and pretty pissed off. I wanted to drop kick everyone there. I cannot do anything right when I have people watching everything I do, makes me really anxious. My self esteem and self worth hit bottom and I've been really depressed after this. I have been air headed and made little dumb mistakes here and there, but this made me feel like absolute ****. Now I feel like no one takes me serious and sees me as a joke. I really thought I was doing alright at this job, volunteering to go out on jobs more than others and never *****ing like most others here do. I really feel like I am 'dumb' and inferior to everyone else. It's hell, I feel like a prisoner of my own negative thoughts. I'm pretty introverted and I've always had social anxiety and a fear of looking stupid, instances like this only seems to reinforce my way of thinking. This is not living. Is there anybody who can relate or had instances like this happen to him/her?
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