Okay. Um. Hi. My name is Anna, I'm fourteen, and I... I don't really know how to go about this. Probably because I'm not sure what I'm here for. I know I have a problem with self-harm -- a big problem -- but I don't want to get better. I don't want to lose this addiction, it's the only thing that helps. I can't let it go and I don't want to. So. I guess I should just explain some stuff.

By 'big problem' I mean this addiction to endorphins has made me an impulsive liar. I'm constantly lying to everyone to cover up my self-harm. I'd say it's especially bad when you promise TWICE to several people you love that you're done hurting yourself and then go back and do it again both times, worse than before. So much for second chances, right? I kinda blew it.

My methods of self-harm include:
• Cutting (kitchen knives, scissors, pencil sharpener blades)
• Poking and scratching (safety pins)
• Taking large amounts of random pills (4-8, usually I don't even care enough to read what they are; so I'm taking flippin' unknown pills, how stupid am I?)

I do it at least once every other day (by 'once' I mean cut my thighs a few times with a pencil sharpener blade), sometimes more. Often in the middle of the night in the bathroom so nobody knows. I always wear long pants and long sleeved shirts even though the only places I cut are my legs and occasionally my torso (safety pins only so far). I've become very good at hiding it, and to the world that's a bad thing, but to me, it's an accomplishment.

So I don't know what I'm asking for, because it's not help.
Maybe someone to tell me I'm not crazy for feeling this attached to self-harm?