Quote:
Originally Posted by BNLsMOM
Hi I have posted here before about the issues my husband and I have and I thought we were doing OK after a talk that I thought was very honest.
Tonight, I went to plug in my phone and my husband's iPad was hooked up to the cord, so I unplugged it so I could hook up my phone and some messages lit up on his screen from a fetish website. I shouldn't have, but I clicked on the message and his password screen came up. I know his password because he lets out son play games on the iPad so I typed the password in and this email account came up full of messages from the fetish board. At first I figured he was just curious so I was going to let it go, but then an email caught my eye. He has been answering ads on CraigsList and looking for sex dates. He even told someone that he has a flexible work schedule and could meet during the day. Incidentally, he has told me that he is so busy at work that he can't get away to meet me for coffee at lunch time.
So, I don't know if he has made any of these meetings happen, but the fact that he is soliciting and looking for local people has me worried that he will escalate and begin to actually meet these people. He even gave one his cell phone number.
I had decided I was going to stay with him because we have kids, but I don't know if I can handle this. I don't even know how to approach him about this. I emailed my therapist telling him about this and I have requested that he call me on my cell tomorrow.
I am FREAKING OUT!
I know I would never do this, but I am so tempted to email this secret account and tell him that he needs to pack up and leave.
We just bought a minivan in his name yesterday. I am afraid I would end up homeless if we divorced, but I don't know if I can live with this. I know it is probably an addiction, and that he probably needs my support but I don't know if I can handle supporting someone who basically ignores me sexually and wants to go out and have sex with others (not just regular sex, he wants kinky things according to the emails).
I just don't know what to do, what to think...I am shattered by this.
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Hi. Hugs to you. Yes, talk to your therapist! Yes, talk to an attorney! Yes, take care of yourself! Staying in a relationship like this could actually harm the children. I was in that situation (stay for the children), and my children develped deep disrespect for me because I was willing to put up with being mistreated. Please, do not let fear rule your life. I once did. It is no way to live. Try not to make any decisions until you consult with your therapist, attorney, pastor, friend. You may want to start quietly gathering important papers, some cash, medicines, items of sentimental value. It may also be a good idea to go ahead and open your own bank account. This is a time to put yourself first for a change.
