I have an appointment with my Therapist for tomorrow and next month with my OBGYN to get checked and tested for any diseases. I have a lawyer in mind. Sadly, I was married once before and she did my divorce last time. She does free consultations, so after I talk to my therapist and get some advice from him, I will probably call this attorney's office.

I can't believe I am going through this! Believe me, I am angry. I need to spend some time making myself look good legally if I want to have custody of my son. Right now I am on disability for bipolar. (in remission right now) I have records of being in the hospital mental ward about 10 times in the last 5 years, the most recent being last April. I was on ECT for a year too. I am afraid that he could my instability against me and have me declared an unfit mother. I am a good mother, but I am a terrible house keeper, so if anyone came to check, I could be seen as unfit. I need to get this house in order. (also because we would likely sell it if we divorced.) I have a bank account in my name but without his income, I wouldn't be able to support my kids on my disability. We just bought a minivan in his name, and we were planning on having me drive it, but I do have a paid off car in my name that is in decent condition if I had to leave and couldn't afford the payments on the van. Even though I really like the van and would want it. I have bad credit too so it would be hard for me to buy a new place or even rent an apartment if we sold our house. Those are just the logistical things...there is the whole situation of the emotional toll it would be n the kids to lose their dad. They are too young to be able to explain that he takes selfies of his bum and sends them to people via text and that he is looking for someone to hook up with and having fetishes with.

I am sure there are solutions and maybe life would suck for a while, but the more I think about it, the more I think this is a major deal breaker. Maybe I could get a divorce agreement where I stay in the house wile he pays the mortgage while I build up my credit and then sell the house and buy a condo for myself and my kids.

Sorry this is so long.... I think I know what I need to do...