Quote:
Originally Posted by anxiouspikachu
Thank you for the thoughts. I have wondered whether there was something I did that made her change. But to my knowledge she'd been that way for a long time and I was weirdly a little flattered that I was a guy she could love. I really don't doubt she did love me for a long time. I've never really beat myself up over it. I've wondered about projection but I don't really know what causes it to arise. Really my worry is that these are perfectly common symptoms of dissatisfaction and unhappiness alone and I am too dense and cowardly to admit it. Many days though, that seems completely absurd and I know I want and love my girlfriend.
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Well, being homosexual isn't something that just crops up. She'd had that orientation her whole life, but sometimes people blame themselves for "turning" an ex. And yes, she really did love you.
As far as being too dense or cowardly, I would say you're the opposite since you're seeking treatment and being honest with your girlfriend. It sounds more like an "OMG, this could be for real!" type of moment and for whatever reason, it's causing you to panic.
By the way, that panic is pretty normal. When I proposed to my wife I went through a bunch of "Oh carp, I won't get to do what I want when I want! How am I going to deal with this? What if ..." It's just our mind racing from fear of the unknown future.
But in your case it seems to be affecting your life so I applaud you getting some help and being honest with your girlfriend. Stick with it and it will work out!