Quote:
Originally Posted by turquoisesea
This site is for anyone you don't need a diagnosis. I THINK what hamster might have been getting at (correct me if I'm wrong hamster-banster) is that if you're on the site for other reasons as well ie anxiety that maybe you need to ALSO look at those problems... also I think Hamster was looking for further explanations as to your anxiety-like symptoms so that we can better understand what's going on. It's hard to give advice sometimes without more info =)
 to PC!
As far as your relationship - I wonder if you have talked to the girl about this? Also I'm wondering since your feelings came up so quickly after the idea of engagement - that this trigger some kind of insecurity you feel about the relationship. There's no set time that you *must* become engaged - maybe you are not yet ready? |
If the 'marriage' bit is causing this confusion and constant worry, it isn't really the unwanted word or feeling that keeps popping to mind. The words and feelings are things that would seem to preclude marriage though: lack of attraction, cheating propensity, orientation crisis. When one pops away, another seems to take it's place. Honestly my thinking has been quite dulled the past few weeks, almost burned out.
I've kept her up to speed on everything happening. While hiding it could help her out in the short term, it would come to the surface eventually and totally hurt her. So I communicate. She knows exactly what I fear, what feelings happen. She doesn't deserve to get hurt. But at the same time, I don't know the right way to keep her in the loop without hurting her too much. Like I said she's been supportive, but sometimes she loses hope herself. I always know I have an out, and so does she, but I don't want to rush to that just because I'm feeling pain.
I feel like I've got her on a seesaw though with my good times and down times. I just want to feel normal with her again, understand what's going on, and really determine whether it's her, or something I have to sort out for myself. If it is me, I have a strong sense this could likely follow me to another relationship. I have only been to the therapist once (going tomorrow), and am not on any medications so I really feel like I'm at the whim of each day.