Don't feel bad. Family is just blood. The only reason blood is thicker than water is because it contains binding agents. Take it from someone who didn't get a family until she was 16. Do you know how many I went through before that? For seven years, I didn't even have that! I was on the state waiting list the entire time getting shuffled around from institution to group home to emergency shelter to max security hospital. The family who finally got me at 16 was originally intended to be a foster family, but felt so sorry for me that they just kept me. They got me in '97. The rest is history. As far as I am concerned, they did all the hard work, loved me in the least dysfunctional manner that they could (they had some rough times growing up, too) and were the only ones who didn't throw me away.

I get exactly what you are feeling: "Why? Why didn't I get to be so lucky? What kind of sick human being beats and then throws a toddler (or however old you were) away? Why are all these little brats saying that their lives are SO hard simply because they didn't get their i-phone for their 14th b-day when I was wishing for a HOME when I was 14!"

-and by the time you are long-since grown-up, you can't exactly find volunteers to adopt you because everyone is so busy.

Just my opinion: You are very entitled to your pain. Don't let those who weren't there patronize you and tell you to leave it in the past. The past one of many constructs of what makes you who you are, today. It can be a very useful teaching tool. I think what people mean, when they say that, is to also not forget the future and present. You deserve to be loved. -but what I think you need right now is a friend who's actually been there; someone who doesn't make you feel all alone in this. If you're comfortable, you can friend me here -but no pressure. No guarantees that things will be perfect but I'm not going to lie to you, either, so...