Take a look, at what is triggering the shouting matches. It's tough living in a home where there's two children that need a lot of extra support. Perhaps look at working on the anxieties, first, then branch out from there. What is causing anxiety? Is there any resentment for tug on adult time? Is there a way, to give each other breaks and space? It can be draining on a relationship. There's books out there, that can help bring you both to a better understanding of each other on an adult level. Create routines, in the home, that give time to quality adult time, not just at the end of the night when everyone is a bit burnt out from the day to day stresses of parenting. Plan some couple time, any family members willing and able to give you both, some hours to even sit at home and watch a movie?