It feels like it's getting better, maybe there is hope, I'm not alone ... no these are all lies I tell myself.
I'm feeling pretty suicidal at this point, I cut up the palms of my hands and the reverse part of my left elbow (the crease). I really want to die but I can't bring myself to do it. My life is at a dead end, I am still living with the woman who has abused me my entire life. I try to be social, I try to make friends despite my social anxiety but there she is sweeping in to make sure I remain isolated and locked away in my room. Humiliated, I am not allowed to speak to anyone or leave the house. I'm an adult already, but of course my father is standing there supporting her, keeping watch over me, making sure I can't leave. He lies to my face. I wonder if she would care if I died, she has never been a mother to me. This psychotic, schizophrenic ***** will always be in control of my life. If it isn't her, then it's something else that is drowning me in this sickness. No one loves me or cares, they use me up and toss me aside. No one could ever understand me, I am judged before I am even seen. Even the strongest medication and years of therapy could not help me.