The bipolar depression is really worsening, and the doctors don't seem to have any clue as to what to try next. In the meantime I want a cigarette. Or a carton, of course--being an addict. I guess this could be just a sign of hopelessness, but I haven't had a cigarette in so long and I'm curious why it's the cigarettes calling me and not the alcohol.

Just writing about it, not really intending to do anything--thanks for listening.