thanks for replying.

Actually in these two years, the obsession with mom-son fantasies led me in to online roleplaying. I used to feel very guilty, because though i am not thinking about my own mom, the roleplaying person might think about her son. I dont know what kind of ideas i was putting into their heads.

Sometimes i chatted with some moms who really were in an incest relationship.

Like you have replied, what i wanted was to be mothered sexually.

I cant understand why i have these thoughts.
But i would like to atleast not do online roleplay chat with anonymous strangers. I dont what kind of ideas i am putting into someone's head. feel very guilty afterward.

But i get very turned on in mom son rp. Probably it is the unconditional acceptance. i sometimes roleplay like i have a pre-mature ejaculation and mom helps me out saying "its ok honey"

I am not living in US. so i cant pursue something like this in real life.

Sorry for all the rambling. wanted to put it all out to someone who cared to answer a long while ago.