Before my mother passed away a few years ago, I had written (and mailed) two letters to her over the previous nine years. I finally had "had it" with her being so verbally abusive and cruel to me. My father is still alive at age 89 but "lays low", lives his own life and never demands any attention. Growing up, he was neglectful, abusive physically and emotionally (and sexually inappropriate toward me on two distinct occasions). I was beaten for things I shouldn't have been punished for at all (potty training accidents,etc). I was often left alone from the age of two (in the car, at home and on vacation). My mother allowed my father to physically abuse me and was very neglectful to me (and later to my two younger brothers as well). She left my baby brother in a hot car sleeping on a summer day and he was taken by police to CPS where she had to beg and plead to get him released back to her with promises to never repeat such neglect (which she did repeat again not long after that). I was left alone at a lakeside resort with my first (of two) little brothers who was getting his first teeth and wouldn't stop crying. My mother was out on the lake with my father in a boat fishing. The lady who ran the resort was furious with my parents for leaving a six-year-old with a teething baby. My parents who were humiliated packed us up and we left the next morning. Five years later, my youngest (3-year-old) brother fell off of a wet log after a rainstorm while we were left alone at a mountain lake campground when our parents were out fishing (again). His head was bleeding profusely and at age eleven, I didn't know how to stop the bleeding. Luckily, an older couple was in the campground and could give him first aid. My parents were given another well-deserved tongue-lashing. (There were many more such incidents over the years). After we all grew up, my mother appeared to be in denial of all these things. She expected to be treated with love and respect, telling others that I was the bad one all those years, not her. Anything that rubbed her the wrong way was cause for nasty sarcastic criticism of ME. When I finally at age 52 wrote and mailed the first letter to her, I felt immense relief to have it off my shoulders and onto hers. (I knew I could not talk to her in person so I had to communicate with her in writing). After a few months, she contacted me in a way that indicated she was somewhat sorry and would "behave" if I would allow her back into my life. Sadly, three years later, the situation was back to the same way it had been, leaving me no choice but to write her another letter, this time even more scathing in my descriptions of the wrongs she had committed toward me AND my daughter. Many of her so called friends had walked away from her (and my father had left her for someone else years earlier). Predictably, a few months later, she contacted me and said she "Would do things differently if she had it to do over". So very tentatively, I resumed my relationship with her. Over the next six years, she DID finally improve in her treatment of me (because she knew what would happen if she didn't). Although she still did some hurtful things, as a result of just being herself, we actually did have some nice close times over those last years before she died suddenly of a stroke. So, in conclusion, my writing (and giving her) those letters, was definitely good for MY sanity and caused HER to do some soul-searching that she would NOT have done otherwise. If I had not written them and given them to her, I would be the one still carrying all that hurt. Since she passed away, I have felt a sense of freedom and feel that I'm conducting my life in a more productive way now.