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I had a member on here in a chat room tell me Bulimia was just a bad habit. I wish I could have reached in and smacked him. It has become a way of dealing with emotions. I am not emotionally resilient and I am stress intolerant. When I am alone at night I absolutely have to eat until I feel myself busting and then throwing it all up acts as a release. It has become a habit of dealing with stress just like those who have to come home at night and drink a glass of wine or two. It is also seen as a form of self punishment/self harm. I have gotten better. I have gone from doing it a few times a day to once or twice a week. Interesting though that when I am triggered(in a emotional flashback) the bulimia disappears but when that passes it comes flooding back. Same thing when I become heavily depressed. It disappears.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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