HotChicken,

I realize that you are going through a world of Hades, right now

Please, stop, breathe, and think about how dire all of this would be. Be your own hero, and rescue yourself, from the home environment, that you are living in.

I acknowledge, that you've also been through a recent personal situation, that I am sure, isn't helping your mindset. It hurts, to feel the way, that you felt.

There are other means, of escaping your predicament, even if, right here, right now, you can't escape, at least start taking the small steps necessary to remove yourself and your children, from that environment.