Ever since I was like 5, I found myself not being able to identify with my male friends, and any 'butchy' ways. Even though they were my friends, and hung out with them, and do male kids stuff, I'd be like "why the heck would they want to do that?" I got made fun of a lot, the usual 'you're a girl' jokes were oft. I'd find more common with the girls, I guess.

I've always wanted to look like what a girl is supposed to look like, at least society's view. I live in a close-minded bigoted society and I'm forced to not look that way, and I get by. I have cross-dressed once, but it isn't a big need for me, it's just looking and feeling that way.

Some people I know are very disappointed in me because I can't "Be the man" in their eyes. I can't live up to their expectations, but they think I'm trying and failing, they don't know what I want to be. I'm just very naturally submissive, I dislike feeling masculine. I have a problem with the gender roles assigned to me.

I'm attracted solely to women, but I do find some 'traditional male characteristics', like impulsiveness or 'ability to take charge' kind of fascinating, even though I'm not into men. When I'm in the company of my male friends, I let them take decisions, handle arguments and stuff, and I feel very comfortable that way. I haven't so far come across a woman who'd do this, I don't know "take charge".

When it comes to attraction, I love intimacy, but not really into sexual intercourse at all, so far, and I'm in my early-mid 20's. I don't want to change anything, I am fine the way I am, but If i had a chance i'd be 'neutral' I guess? but I most definitely want to look like a girl.

I get by, hiding it all, I just wish someone could help me better understand myself, or put a generalized label on me. I'm not very familiar with 'trans' terms people use to describe them. It'd help me feel like I have an understanding of myself.