Sorry for this long post, I feel like sharing a "non-focused" session that was inspiring to me.
A couple months ago my T showed me a structured way to write about my issues so that I could bring them in as a guide for speaking. It was useful so I kept writing them for myself. Last week I asked T if I could handle her those sheets *just* to keep them safe (as I don't want to throw them away yet) because I picked my mother looking for my diaries so it doesn't feel safe keeping them - and that we could have a look at them together during sessions and seh agreed. Also because it was A LOT of stuff and I would have never dared asking her to read them.

So I had my weekly session and as soon as I walked into the room I saw all my sheets laying on the table and she said, "ok today I am starting. I've read all the things you handed me and I want to talk about them with you..."
And I went "all of them!? Outside sessions? Why?"

I mean it was something like 25 sheets, written on both sides (so about 50 pages - nearly a book, lol). I didn't mean to give her homework and she was surprised that I was so astonished. There were also a few letters and one about my fear of abandonment and she read them as well and wanted to clarify the thing of being ahead with therapy that had scared me so much and the fear of poisoning people with my stories.
T said I'm not poisoning anyone and it was her choice to read all those sheets between sessions because it felt right toward me plus she thinks she found important information in there that I wasn't bringing up. She said she was interested and wanted to be better prepared for the session and it wasn't me subjecting her to that. And that also the bad parts of me are good.

We didn't have much time to discuss my current issues as that chat took 60 minutes, but I realize how much I needed such a session and I found it healing. I got a lot of useful stuff from it and felt deeper connection like T got to know me better thanks to those sheets and kind of came meet me half way.

I felt a bit embarassed, incredibly stupid and relieved that I found a way to communicate when words are missing - and that I have T who was willing to welcome it.
I'll stop spamming, I promise.