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Originally Posted by fairyconfused
Ever since I was like 5, I found myself not being able to identify with my male friends, and any 'butchy' ways. Even though they were my friends, and hung out with them, and do male kids stuff, I'd be like "why the heck would they want to do that?" I got made fun of a lot, the usual 'you're a girl' jokes were oft. I'd find more common with the girls, I guess.
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I hear you there. I get along with girls more so than I ever have with guys. Very often, males take on this alpha caveman routine that I find completely unappealing to try and relate to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairyconfused
I've always wanted to look like what a girl is supposed to look like, at least society's view. I live in a close-minded bigoted society and I'm forced to not look that way, and I get by. I have cross-dressed once, but it isn't a big need for me, it's just looking and feeling that way.
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If you want to look like your definition of a woman, what is it that you would do? Suppose that your social bonds were unfettered, what do you think would make you happy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairyconfused
I'm attracted solely to women, but I do find some 'traditional male characteristics', like impulsiveness or 'ability to take charge' kind of fascinating, even though I'm not into men. When I'm in the company of my male friends, I let them take decisions, handle arguments and stuff, and I feel very comfortable that way. I haven't so far come across a woman who'd do this, I don't know "take charge".
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This is a social stereotype. It may be common in your area. It may just be what you perceive as being feminine. Everyone has there own guidelines to different social roles. However, I personally have met a good lot of aggressive, take charge women. They are perfectly straight, and beautiful as well. So being the way they are doesn't necessarily knock them back from being feminine. One of these ladies was my old bellydance instructor. She was also a stripper for a time. Now she is a wonderful mother but still an azzkicker of a gal
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairyconfused
When it comes to attraction, I love intimacy, but not really into sexual intercourse at all, so far, and I'm in my early-mid 20's. I don't want to change anything, I am fine the way I am, but If i had a chance i'd be 'neutral' I guess? but I most definitely want to look like a girl.
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It is wonderful that you accept what you feel. Most often these turmoils will tear people up on the inside. It sounds to me that you need to find a facet to express yourself. Females are going to be your best friend here. In my experience, they are more open and more understanding when it comes to stuff like this. Try confiding in a good, trusted friend. My ex wife is the one who ultimately helped me open my doors up. If the area you live in is truly hostile to your interests, I am sorry to say that you may want to consider moving to an area that is less close-minded. I moved to a city in another state, and while the town seems a bit more conservative in some aspects, they are more open to a wider berth of sexualities and gender identification.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairyconfused
I get by, hiding it all, I just wish someone could help me better understand myself, or put a generalized label on me. I'm not very familiar with 'trans' terms people use to describe them. It'd help me feel like I have an understanding of myself.
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You're asking for trouble if you want to confine yourself under a label. A loose one is good, just to identify yourself to others. however, if you to try and yourself to adhere to some rigid pre-existed concept, you aren't going to be happy.
If you really want a label, I would say that you probably fall under the catagory of Gender Fluid. on a less technical level I would simply say you are a feminine male. If you ever take your femininity to the level where you start to dress as a woman, you're a cross dresser or transvestite. Cross dresser are not neccessarilly ones that are out in public. I think a great many actually only do it in the privacy of their homes. If you are just into women, that's perfectly acceptable as well. Many of the cross dressers I have ever interacted with are only into women. So don't think that your choice of outward appearance should have any bearing on that.
I hope at least some of this was helpful to you.
Ciao