I can understand that, JWtBN. You need to find someone who fully understands that, and is capable of understanding when you do or don't want something. I once knew someone who struggled with a similar thing, and all it took, was for the guy to pay plenty of attention; he always tried to make sure she didn't feel pushed, pressured, or obligated.

If it's any consolation, my 2nd to last relationship likely fell to bits, because of the fact that I wasn't ready to, uhm... y'know ... I didn't trust her enough, I didn't feel even remotely that comfortable with her... obviously I couldn't tell her that, ... I did love her, but things are never that simple. She wasn't patient, like just about everything else, and she always persisted; needless to say, it never happened, thankfully, and we broke up ages ago. You HAVE to learn to speak up when you don't want to do something; this goes for everything in life. It's tough, I know, ... but find a way, even if it's a secret sorta language, ... or even just a hint, ... physical or verbal. Make sure you don't do stuff you don't want to do. I'd rather be single, than with someone who doesn't give a **** about how I feel.