I am sorry for your sadness.

I am agreeing with these others that have mentioned for you to try to open up as much as you can to your therapist. Try to remember that they can only help with what information that they have.

I know some things are hard to share. I have been right there myself before.

I don't think I have had much anxiety about what others would think of me being treated or hospitalized, but I have really not wanted to necessarily share every thought or feeling I have had with someone else. I think sometimes we are willing to let the therapists see how "crazy" we might be only to what limit seems "acceptable".

As far as having thoughts of things happening that allow you to prove yourself that is normal...at least for a depressed person. I have had them and will tell you why. It is rough to be depressed and then add on top of that people who doubt it or outright disbelieve it. Sometimes when it is someone we really care about doing the doubting I think those thoughts might pass through our minds as a way of *proving* to them that we aren't falsifying or exaggerating.