it took me a couple diagnoses to accept it too and even longer to accept treatment. it took a couple years and a lot of patience and trying all kinds of meds but we finally found the right meds for me with no side effects. now I don't cycle anymore and I am living a predictable life. I cannot believe the difference. I was a rapid cycler too. for 30 years. I so wish I hadn't have been so stubborn because I wasted so much of my life. I hate the idea that I have to take meds every day but compared to the instability that I was living, the wanting to die everyday, it is an easy trade off. I now have hope. the craziness is gone. get help and take care