Dating is really kind-of new to me at 44 years old. I have been divorced for three years and only started dating last summer. I was married for 20 years, and before that I was pretty awkward and never had much experience with dating or relationships.

I generally figured that nobody would ever be interested in me. I am a lot more stable now than I used to be, but I'm still awkward. I found out not quite two years ago that I have Asperger's syndrome. Boys were always icky, and the ones that were interested in me had something wrong with them. Still, most of the guys that have shown interest in me are either a lot older or they don't have jobs or seem to be doing anything much productive.

So, I met one guy about a month ago and he is interesting. We have a lot of interests in common including both being involved in SCA and both of us are in a musicians' guild (only he hadn't been going much in the last few years because he lacks money and transportation). He is nice. He was going to school to be a massage therapist, but he didn't finish because he couldn't pass the math class that was required. He has also been in the Navy and has had security jobs in the past, but he lost his job (he claims that it was due to medical problems and other stuff that was not his fault, but also has a history of losing a job in assisted living when someone - he says wrongly - accused him of abuse - he lost his certification as a medical assistant) and had an aunt with health problems and decided to be a live in caretaker for her. After his aunt died, his mother was having health problems and he has been helping her. His mother is 90 years old, and may have cancer (waiting for biopsy results). He doesn't have income, doesn't have a car, and owes a considerable debt for the massage therapy program that he didn't finish. Since we met, he started to decide that he needs an income and he is looking at training type jobs and might end up with a minimum wage job if he finds anything.

I have gone out with guy #1 a few times. I had to drive because he has no car. He had money to pay once - probably from his mother, and I'm betting it was his Christmas present. The other times were free things. I started picking him up for music guild practices. He is generous with what he has. He is a good cook, and has cooked for me sometimes. He has told me that he loves me and asked if he could kiss me (I said I wasn't ready). It is hard to imagine a future with him. I would end up supporting him, that is if I can manage to support myself (I have a master's degree but I struggle with keeping a job).

Last night I went to a dance and there was a guy there who asked for my phone number. Guy #2 has worked at the same job for 30 years and is eligible for retirement. He has his own house and a few teenage to young adult children who live with him. I don't know him well yet, but we also have some interests in common including a love of animals.

Both guys are about 10 years older than me. Both have compatible values - same religion, etc. My question is what loyalty do I owe to guy #1 at this point? I am interested in being friends, but I don't know where I want the relationship to go. I want to see what happens for both of us as far as work. But if someone more stable asks me out, would it be wrong for me to get to know him too and see what happens? Do I need to tell either of them about the other at this point?

And another question. At what point should I be telling them that I'm on the autistic spectrum?